Joy

Well, I know I haven't written much since Neil has been home. I think sometimes I can express joy and excitement through pictures a little better!

But I thought I might just share with you something great that has been going on with Neil and I. As you all know....attachment sometimes can be an issue with adopted children. Most children enter their forever family and are not sure how to express their emotion of love and joy in reference to attachment. Usually they kind of just go with the flow and are not sure of their mama and Dada's hugs and kisses. They like them..but are not sure what they are and the fact that love is attached to them, can mean very little.

Coby and I have been BLESSED and a I mean blessed that Neil came to our family with inner joy and love. I know it's because God put it in him! It was always my prayer from the very first moment we thought to adopt, my prayer was that God would place JOY in Neil's heart and soul. If you have meet him, you will know that is what flows out of him.

Just last week at BSF, Neil's teacher told me after class that Neil giggles all the time. Whenever they do an activity, he giggles through it. She asked if he is always like this and I told her, "from day ONE!" He is very active, but JOY seams to just bounce out of him. I am grateful to God for installing that in him from a very young age.

Well, as far as attachment, Neil has been fine. He loved Coby from day one and showed it and as for me...I have always been content with his affections that he returns to me.

But last Tuesday (a week ago before all the rain), something happened that I didn't even realize was something I needed. I believe God knows my inner thoughts and my heart without even at times asking or praying for it. Sometime He just gives it. And He did!

I was cutting the lawn in the back yard and Neil was pushing his car alongside the mower pretending to be cutting the grass too. Well, I ended up going all the way to the end of the row, and he got stuck at the start of it. I turned around and saw him standing there crying his eyes out...of course I couldn't hear him due to the lawnmower....but I could see it all over his face. I turned the mower off and went to him and realized he was fine, but his car was stuck in a hole and he couldn't push it and was upset about it. So as EVERY 2 year old does, he expressed it in tears.

I reach down pick him up and he immediately laid his head on my shoulder, put his arms around my neck and wrapped his legs around my waist. He held on so tight and continued to cry and speak in rubbish through his tears telling me what happened. I just said, "I'm sorry" and "I know" and "that was frustrating, right?" and he just kept saying, "ya."

About a min went by and I went to put him down because his tears stopped and I asked him if he was all better? And he said, "NO" and tightened his grip.

OK.....that's never happened. He is usually quick to recover and quick to run away and go back to playing, but this time, he said no.

So I stood in the back yard up against the fence that backs up to the farm and pond behind us and held him for 20 min!

Usually there are cows around and I could point to them and that would distract him, but the cows were not out today. No neighbors were out, just Neil and I, the sunshine, cool breeze and God.

We were silent for the first 5 min or so, and then a song came to mind...Holy Holy Holy. So I started to hum the song and Neil joined in. Every time I took a breath, he started in on his part. He never raised his head, he never loosened his grip around me and I didn't move from my spot for 20 min. It was a God given moment that I have always wanted, but didn't know I was missing! My son wanted me to hold him, love him, sing to him and just let him know that he was the most important thing to me at that moment, nothing else mattered. (not even my aching back!!)

So since then, Neil and I have had a few more of these moments...not as long....I don't think my back could hold up....but moments of holding each other.

Isn't is amazing that God gives us our inner desires even when we think that what we have is enough. God says, "I have BETTER for you." I thought the love Neil has been giving us has been enough and great, but that 20 min holding him and Neil holding me back showed me that I should never think that God can not give me better. He only wants the BEST for us and he gave me that with a hug from my son!