I just opened my entry from June 8th of this year and read it. (I titled it 'Content') I knew that when I wrote it I would need encouragement along the way, and this morning I needed it.
This last week has been tough. Maybe the toughest week through all of this adoption. I say that because I don't remember a time where I have felt so many emotions all at once and so strong. I am so grateful that if there was a time that I might have felt worse, God has erased it from my mind.
Coby and I were told by our agency earlier in the week that if we don't get a court date by this week, then we will not hear any more until after their Christmas Holiday of January 7th. So basically mid January before court dates are handed out again.....and that doesn't necessarily mean we will be handed one right away.
To be entering into 2008 without our little peanut seams so far from what we thought was going to happen. To possibly enter into the first few months of 2008 without him even hurts more. I look at where Coby and I are today and we truly thought that we would be done. I thought we would be decorating for Christmas with our little one. I thought we would be planing a trip to California to see our families and have all my nieces and nephews meet their little cousin. To sit back and think that is not going to happen this year, hurts....... and Coby will be working on Christmas day and plain tickets being as they are......this Christmas will be quiet, very quiet.
God says to give Him our worries and to rest in peace with Him. I was blessed this week from a friend who gave me a verse. Psalms 4:8- "I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Also, to know that in my weakness....His strength is made perfect. I am someone who depends on my faith in the Lord and someone who lives my life based on the Word of God. With that being done, I do believe in God's timing to be far greater than anything I could ever think possible. I also feel that being a child of God means that He, as my Father, knows best for me. I have prayed these past few weeks in a way that Jesus told His disciples to pray. Matthew 7:7- "Ask and it will be given to you, Seek and you will find, Knock and the door will be opened to you."
I have prayed specifically to travel to Russia before Christmas to bring our child home. I also know that many of you have also been praying the same way for Coby and I and our child. But, am I to stop praying that way if God says, "I will give to you, but My time is not your time?" No...I can not stop, and this week, I have felt like stopping. I have seen my weakness and my inadequacies laid out before me. God works in His time and that is what has given me strength up till now, and I must hold onto it until His time is complete.
"I praise You God of Grace that after I have suffered a while, you will establish, strengthen, settle and esteem me." I will hold strong to that verse through my suffering of waiting.
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8 comments:
Gerard and I both have to work holidays and sometimes it is lonely. I remember he had to work New Years Eve 1999. I was so bummed. I spent the night alone. At first I was upset but then I tried to make it productive so I got out my scrapbook and spent the night finishing up the year in my scrap book. I look back now and I am thankful that I was given that time alone to reflect on the year. I will be spending a good piece of Christmas alone as well and will pray for you and your little one.
Joy
We will be praying for your court date and for peace during the holidays. Like Joy - try to find something you enjoy doing this holiday. In my case, I plan to get out my cross stitch which I haven't done the last couple of years. Take care.
My wife and I adopted 2 little kids from Russia last year (Dylan 4 yrs old and Alina 2 yrs old)...I know it doesn't seem fair but believe me it's worth the wait, write a journal, have great prayer walks with God, and remember "God sets the lonely in families" I used to think the "lonely" was referring to the children, but at times like these I think "lonely" means you guys! My wife and I don't believe we adopted 2 children as much as they adopted us. I'll be praying for you guys...give yourself a hug! Here's a link to our little ones: http://www.englundstudio.com/alina_dylan.jpg
Sweet Brandy,
I remember feeling these same feelings during our 4 months away from Owen. I had times when it was so hard to just get through the day without tears as I thought about Owen and being away from him without knowing when we'd be able to bring him home. I know you must have been so excited about having Neil home for Christmas this year and it breaks your heart to think that you won't. I don't know if we'll ever know God's reasons for keeping us away from our boys for so long, but I promise you once you do have sweet Neil in your arms again, this waiting will fade away. You'll always remember it, but it won't hurt the way it does now. I will pray for God to give you peace with whatever happens this week and throughout the rest of the Christmas holidays. All that said, I really do hope you get that court date today or tomorrow! :)
Brandy -
My heart goes out to you and you are Coby are definitely in my prayers! I wish I had some words of wisdom but your blog spelled it out ... The Lord works on his own time table. Not the time table that we wish it was. - I hope you can find peace in the holiday season.
I completely understand the idea of waiting on the Lord. We, too are waiting for our return trip for longer than we expected. The lessons learned and the deeper intimacy with God that has happened because we moment by moment rely on His strength and His sovreignty must delight our heavenly Father. I also believe what Jeremiah teaches in chapter 29:11-13. He has good plans in mind for us and our children. He loves us and has our names etched into the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16). Keep believing Him! I have also started praying 1 Cor 2:9 and thanking him in advance for doing in my life and my son's life what my mind can not even concieve, according to His loving kindness. I hope that IF it is quiet this Christmas (keep pleading your heart's desire before Him) that you can fall more deeply in love with your Savior as you remember His birth and life.
I completely understand the idea of waiting on the Lord. We, too are waiting for our return trip for longer than we expected. The lessons learned and the deeper intimacy with God that has happened because we moment by moment rely on His strength and His sovreignty must delight our heavenly Father. I also believe what Jeremiah teaches in chapter 29:11-13. He has good plans in mind for us and our children. He loves us and has our names etched into the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16). Keep believing Him! I have also started praying 1 Cor 2:9 and thanking him in advance for doing in my life and my son's life what my mind can not even concieve, according to His loving kindness. I hope that IF it is quiet this Christmas (keep pleading your heart's desire before Him) that you can fall more deeply in love with your Savior as you remember His birth and life.
Coby and Brandy,
We are so sorry to hear that your region will not be giving any additional court dates after this week either. Although we knew that Vlad had four months between trips, we hoped and prayed that we would hear news sooner. I agree that God is good and his timing is perfect. I am so glad you shared some scriptures with us. I plan to focus on those tonight before bed. The past 2 1/2 months have seemed so long and I agree that this week has been the toughest one yet. I think the holidays coming near and the thought of our little ones in Russia without us makes it so much harder. I guess we must rely on God to protect and watch over them and to know that he will work it out according to his timeline.
Many Blessings!
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