Bitter Sweet News.......

Well, it must be important when our social worker calls me while I am shopping at Walmart and asks Coby and I to come into their offices for a meeting. Coby and I were given some hart breaking news today that went beyond what we ever thought possible.

Let me back up....

After posting this morning, I called my mom and we spent sometime talking, praying and reading through Isaiah. I was encouraged by the words of my Lord that said that He will hold my right hand, He will never leave me, He is my Savior, He is with me through the roughest times, He calls me by my name....He is my Lord and He is my deliverer. God knew that I needed this morning with my mom and in His word to be prepared for the news that Coby and I were going to receive at 3:30 this afternoon.

While standing in the dog food aisle of Walmart, our social worker called me and told me that she could not give us any information over the phone and they had received info on our child. I called Coby to make sure he could be there at 3:30.....he said no problem. So after asking one more time if I could have any info. on the phone from our social worker, she said no and we would see her at 3:30.

So Coby and I met at the agency and sat on the same couch that many months ago we sat on and made the decision to adopt from Russia. So Coby and I thumb wrestled and played rock paper scissors waiting for our appointment. We know that the news was not going to be good, but trying to figure out what it was wouldn't help. It would just create more worries that we didn't need to have.

So basically, here it is, we were told that our little peanut is sick. He went into the hospital the other day and they ran some tests and basically one came back that was pretty serious. Serious enough, that we have decided at this point, to terminate our decision to adopt him. The illness that he has is so serious that it could (and probably might) take his life. We don't know when.....but basically, Coby and I are not equipped to take care of him. ( I don't know at this point if we can post his illness, but please know that Coby and I did not make this decision without a lot of thought and prayer about this)

So what is the 'sweet' in all of this? Our agency is diligently looking for another referral for us and trying to get that going as soon as possible. We also know that we won't travel before the Christmas holiday and we are fine with that.

Can I just say that God has protected us in this. I wish I could write out everything that I feel right now, but I can only say that I feel at peace with our decision. I know that God's grace is greater then anything and He showed it to Coby and I today. I also know that God holds the little one that we met in His hands. God calls us to come to Him as children. This little one has not been a mistake. He came into this world and at 5 months given to an orphanage and at 16 months old, met 2 people who showed him a little love. We showed him that he can be loved, and one day will be held by our heavenly father. And Coby and I were given 3 days of pure excitement of the thought of being parents. He brought smiles to Coby's face that I have never seen. He looked into our eyes and then fell into our hearts. I wouldn't give up all the memories of laughs, smiles, poopy dippers, throw up and falling asleep in our arms. It was something that showed Coby and I that we do want to be parents.

God knew that this child would never come home with us even when we thought he would. And we are OK with that. We are not sad at the fact that he is not coming home with us, we are sad that this illness has fallen on him. I feel that we met him so that at this time of his life, when he has no one, he has Coby and I praying for him. He has all of you praying for him!! God is the God of miracles, and God is the God of grace. Whatever happens to this little one, I believe that God's name will be glorified in one way or another.

So, Coby and I are doing OK. We know that we will be parents of a little one one day, it just won't be this little peanut that we met on a cold day in October. This little one is God's, and the one God has for us out there will come to us in God's perfect time. There it is.....God's perfect time keeps showing up! I will hold fast to God's timing and I will hold His right hand through this all and stay focused on His face that smiles back at me......God knows what adoption is all about, for I am His adopted daughter!